Coping with Doubt: Pragmatic Truth

There are many different definitions that people like to use for truth. Some say there exists an actual truth. Others say that everyone's perspective is a truth in itself.

While I am of the belief that an actual, objective truth does in fact exist in reality, for adoptees, we may never know the actual truth of what happened to us and our birthfamilies before we were adopted. I would like to know this truth, but I know that the likelihood of finding my birthparents and learning this truth is awfully slim. In light of this uncertainty, I'm faced with three basic options:

1) go back to my "official" story, the one the orphanage workers told my parents, that I was found at a food market because my birthmom was forced to "abandon" me and brought to the orphanage by a police officer

2) consider the possibility that I am a human trafficking victim or that I was confiscated by the One Child Police from my birthparents

3) live in a limbo, where I weigh the probabilities of all the possibilities, and believe in a superposition of all stories

A part of me wants to go crawling back to the nice, fairytale version, but I believe this does my birthmother a disservice because I doubt that it is true. The fairytale version does not capture the complexities of her situation. As much as I don't want to believe in option two, I am beginning to learn how painful and emotionally taxing option three is. There's a part of me now thinking I better just pick one for my peace of mind. Yes, one day, I could learn a different truth...but today, living in a constant state of doubt is awfully difficult. I know something happened to me. A truth exists. It's unbearable to just accept a situation where I'm always hovering above all the options.

Psychologist William James and Philosopher Charles Sanders Peirce developed a version of subjective truth. Their idea of "pragmatic" truth means that truth is defined as whatever makes that person stop doubting. It's not a definition of truth I'd subscribe to, but for my purposes, I believe that it might be the best for my mental health to just believe the version I think has the highest chance of being accurate--and stick with it. That would be that I was taken by the One Child Police as I believe my finding spot to be a lie.

I know many adoptees are faced with a similar dilemma, or may not even be aware that other options exist. This is why I think we should respect other adoptees' decisions in subscribing to whatever "truth" they want to believe in. Some adoptees adamantly believe their finding spots, others will flat out say they believe their information to be forged, and only a handful of us will actually ever learn the truth. It is unfair to place an adoptee in a position to defend "their truth" when no better information is at hand. Even if it were, people are still not entitled to the adoptee's story. Our stories and histories are very personal.