A list of expectations and assumptions I hate.

 I hate expectations.

Here are a list of assumptions about me as a transracial adoptee and expectations from the world that are driving me up a fucking wall. Here's an idea: Dear World, Shut up. I want it quiet for one bloody second.

1. I must desire to learn Mandarin.

2. I must desire to return to China and/or find my birthfamily.

3. I must not be very connected to any Asian/Chinese culture. I must not identify as Chinese. I must identify as white.

4. I must lack a connection to other Chinese adoptees/grown up isolated or in an all-white environment.

5. My parents must not want me to find my birthfamily.

6. I must be GRAPPLING with my identity, racial or otherwise.

7. I must be angry with my birthfamily.

8. I must be angry with my adoptive family.

9. I must be super lucky and grateful for being a wretched orphan who was saved by big-hearted people.

10. I must be super angry and resentful to be stolen from my culture and raised by--gasp--white people.

11. My parents must be racist or have "white savior-itus"

12. I must have been "raised" Asian since I fit the "stereotype"

13. I must be into white guys.

14. I must want to adopt as well.

15. I must really want to "give back" and volunteer at my orphanage.

16. I must have a super positive and sacred connection to the other girls at my orphanage.

17. I'm not a "true" Asian and can't intelligently comment on any racial topics that pertains to the Asian diaspora because I'm not a "real" Asian.

18. I must believe that my adoptive parents aren't my "real" parents.

19. I must believe that "blood doesn't make a family" and therefore must de-emphasize the role of my birthparents in my heart and life.

20. I was abandoned as a baby because I was a girl.