Consuming "Asian-ness"

Growing up in a diverse environment with tons of people from around the world and many international adoptees, I never had people make fun of me for being adopted or for being nonwhite.

I've had several friends who are Chinese American and no one has ever, ever declared myself to be too white or not Asian enough. It seems ludicrous to rank something like that or to gatekeep an entire race.

However, I've encountered many people since then who decide that they can bully me by picking on my adoptee-status. I'm in my early twenties and it's sort of like...um, I've grown up Asian American and none of my Asian American friends have ever had a problem with me or my white parents so who the fuck do you think you are to make comments like "Not Asian enough" when I never asked for your fucking opinion you stupid little shit?

Apparently, middle school bullying doesn't end when you get to graduate school.

It did make me think about the concept of "performative" Asian-ness or being able to consume it. For instance, bragging that you drink a lot of bubble tea to prove how Asian you are, or bragging that you can play instruments or get all A's. Things that by no means "defines" being Asian, and yet, many people on Subtle Asian Traits reinforce over and over harmful stereotypes like the model minority myth, saying there's always an Asian who can do it younger and better than you. That Asian parents show no affection. That Asian people are all the same.

I am a Chinese American woman. My friends are Chinese American. By our existence, we define who we are. There's no "correct" way to be Asian.

Buying bubble tea doesn't make you Asian.

Eating hot pot doesn't make you Asian.

Taking your shoes off when you enter a house doesn't make you Asian.

Using the dishwasher as a drying rack doesn't make you Asian.

Learning Mandarin, doing the fan dance, and getting into an ivy league doesn't make you Asian.

Being Asian isn't something you can act out or something you can buy. 

I had a little turd tell me that I wasn't Asian enough last week because I didn't buy my groceries at Walmart...like okay, but none of my Asian American friends buys their groceries at Walmart either? When I go to the grocery store, I see white people, black people, Indian people, Chinese people, Korean people, Japanese people, Middle Eastern people, etc. Where you shop does not define your race. I was disgusted and appalled at such idiocy and furthermore, affronted that he thought at age twenty something that he could bully me, put me down, and exclude me from being "Asian" just because I was adopted. So I guess all my Asian American friends aren't true Asians because they buy their groceries at Shoprite and HEB and Wegmans?

The ability of a certain, select, special few to bully and belittle others using racial gatekeeping is truly horrific. I'm happy that I have not had to deal with this nonsense growing up and escaped it for about two decades. I know other adoptees have experienced it a lot earlier and have taken it to heart that some little shit declared them "not Asian enough," as if a single person of Asian descent speaks for all of Asia and can gatekeep who counts and who doesn't.