Pick a Lane: My parents are white. Get over it.

I started opening up to my friends about my adoption (if I say journey, I will vomit) story...(is that much better?) Seeing as my friends are few but precious, this was no small feat. I was elated at their support of my soul searching. I was disappointed in their misconceptions about my situation. I get it: we live in a world that at the moment wants to be polarized. But people, I've found, can be lazy and stupid. Rather than grapple with difficult ideas pertaining to race, class, and diversity, many of my peers and non-peers want to make a shortcut: it's as simple as saying white is bad and everyone else is a victim and therefore good.

This is more apparent on the internet, where comments like "It's impossible for people of color to be racist because of the power structure of white supremacy!!!" are rife. Inherent in this comment, though, is the mistaken (and dare I say, racist) belief that the only power structure worth noting in this world is the one where the white man is on top? I'm sure that there are places on this earth, where this is not the case. And if you need to prove the legitimacy of your argument by first convincing others that white men hold all the devil's power in the world, then perhaps you need to find a better rock to stand on. An argument of self-worth, self-respect, and equality should never rest on your ability to convince others of your inferiority and victimization. It should rely on principles of morality. Why? Because the second that equality begins to be achieved in the first instance, is the second the argument for why that equality is needed begins to slip.

If rising towards equality is only justified on the basis of the imbalance, then naturally, when balance is approached, the justification weakens. And you live your life trying to dig yourself into the most justified position to launch your attack of others--which is, generally, belly up.

Furthermore, isn't there inherent idiocy in trying to lecture a crying child why when the white girl calls her a chink, it's racist, but when the black girl calls her a chink, she's just rude but can't possibly be racist. At some point, one has to wonder why on earth people think that screaming at each other over these semantics will push the needle towards equality. ("If you think that a black person stabbing you for being Asian during the COVID-19 pandemic is racist, then you're the real racist!")

And yet, for all this crazy mental acrobatics (or lack thereof), I still maintain the belief that the internet is the cesspool of humanity and that walking-talking internet trolls have since lost sight of the difference between online and reality. For the most part, the media thrives on emotional manipulation for greater views and ad revenue. It is hardly surprising that some unnameable social network has engaged in many social experiments without our knowledge, though we must have checked a box somewhere...

Because of this, when I began to tell my friend of ten years that I was trying to learn more about the one-child policy and China and possible ties to the Hunan human trafficking scandal, and how the Chinese media might have twisted a few things...she could only fixate on the fact that WHITE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT ADOPT. 

Which was weird, you know, because she absolutely adored my father (in her terms, a "fun" dad) and loved coming over to the house and all. If there had been any instance of her not liking my family, I sure as hell didn't see it over the years. And yet, given the permission, apparently, to speak her mind about my life, her mind reverted to an E! News segment about white celebrities adopting children from Africa. 

You know, because my kind, middle-aged parents who just wanted a baby to love after hearing about the One Child policy causing baby girls to be orphaned are actually  secret celebrities. So, if my parents weren't white, you'd be totally okay with the human trafficking? Okay, sounds great. Because, in fact, I do know people of color who have adopted from China, even black people and Chinese people, and I cannot wrap my mind around the logic that says you have the sudden right to tell me my family doesn't matter because you're hashtag woke.

(Side note: It is very, very offensive to tell an adoptee their parents don't love them because they are souvenirs or fetishes for their white parents. That's fucking disgusting and you're not woke, you're ignorant and an idiot.)

Believe me, I've seen some cringe-worthy Chinese adoption social events with nauseating adoptive parents who fashion themselves saviors--a whopping three people in my entire life. These people are loud and obnoxious, and I think, make many adoptees and adoptive parents uncomfortable--which makes sense, right? Because the loud and obnoxious ones are more likely to scream their opinions loudly and write a blog and talk to the press. The silent majority of non-savior parents are not as seen. But to say that the entire structure of international or transracial adoption rests on the hinge of White Saviordom is rather...headline worthy clickbait. It'll get the people fired up for sure. To be honest, it gets me rather upset...before I realize, "Hey! They're talking about me and the validity of my existence in this country with my parents!" Because when you read things from a third party perspective, it can be easy to forget that you know the truth, because the story is so much more salacious.

No, my friend. The world is not split easily down the middle into good people and Death Eaters (my bad, wrong blog). I mean, the world is not split into "white" and "non-white" or into "good white people" and "bad white people" or even into "woke" and "not woke." The meaning of which has long since disintegrated for me. Life is unbelievably grey and messy, and our insistence on an either-or mentality shows our desire for the world to be simplified-- ideally, where we're the heroes wearing the capes and not the villains.

I tried to correct my friend about how all the hundred families I knew through being a Chinese adoptee were just normal families, like me. To suggest that simply based on our skin color, my life is...wrong. Or that my parent's life is wrong, before even having the pleasure of living with them and understanding our own version of insanity (who ate all the ice cream bars? Did anyone feed the dog yet? I bought cookies, don't tell your mother!) is just wrong.

I've seen my own sentiment expressed by former President Barack Obama and Daily Show Host, Trevor Noah. There's a clip on YouTube with Obama denouncing call-out culture, you know, where you think pointing fingers will save you a seat in Twitter heaven. There's a clip of Trevor Noah examining the racism in woke culture. A racism, I think, that should be called racism and not "woke." The kind of "woke" that has people asking me for my "real name" because my English one simply isn't valid in their myopic view of the world. The kind of "woke" that has people asking black students "how did it feel to grow up in the ghetto?" ignoring years of experiential testimony that this is called "generalization" and "making assumptions" and is racist--but which is now termed "woke." 

[Note: Hypocrisy is noted by the Right as "fake wokeness" and is cited by the Left as "not woke enough." Either way, the hypocrisy is noted.]

In adoptee land, there's a nice little militant camp of "woke" crusaders, out to spew their racism under the guise of victimhood, and an adjacent camp of "grateful orphans" who want to prove they're more loveable than the next adoptee. And then, there's a special few who insist on straddling the "best" of both worlds. By turns, saying "I'm so grateful and happy and lucky to be adopted!!!! But, it's wrong for white people to have kidnapped and enslaved me!!!"

Pick. A. Lane.

What I was unable to say to my friend fully was that she shouldn't let clickbait mottos and taglines box in her thinking. I wanted her to really think about what she said to me and its inconsistency and quite frankly, I wanted her to understand that insulting my family wasn't flattering to me. Being painted as a victim of white people is not in the least desirable to me, and furthermore, she loved my parents and so did I--so pick a lane: Are you going to judge my parents by the content of their character or the color of their skin?