DO NOT VOLUNTEER WITH ORPHANS

Before you exit this page, please, listen to me.

This is an issue close to my heart as I have spent my infancy as an orphan--and I am not alone in the adoptee community when it comes to wanting to diminish the exploitation of orphans. Yet, adoptees are often expected to be at the forefront of orphanage volunteer opportunities because of the narrative of "giving back" and "charity." In fact, both Families with Children from China (FCC) and China's Children International (CCI) both Chinese adoptee groups, provide opportunities to volunteer at Chinese orphanages. If you were to google "Orphanage volunteering, good or bad?" you would be better informed about the topic at hand: how the industry works, the red flags, and the statistics.

Who Is Against Orphanage Volunteering?

1. The United Nations
2. UNICEF
3. United States Government Human Trafficking Report
4. British Government: "...serious unintended consequences for vulnerable children and communities. A regular turnover of volunteers without relevant training and experience can be harmful to children’s development and emotional wellbeing." - gov.uk
5. Australian Government
1. https://theglobepost.com/2018/11/30/australia-orphanage-trafficking/
2. https://www.dfat.gov.au
6. LUMOS
7. ReThink Orphanages
8. Some adoptees and some adoptive parents

My Purpose

Here, I want to share what I know as a Chinese adoptee from a psychological and emotional point of view, having talked extensively with people on orphanage volunteering trips, what I know about myself, and how it feels to be expected to go on such a trip because it makes a great fairytale story.

To start, it may sound weird to hear an adoptee tell you they don't agree with orphanage volunteering. Many people who disagree with orphanage volunteering (globally, not just in China) often bring up the fact that most orphans aren't really orphans (4/5 have living parents) and that orphanages are cropping up in unprecedented high numbers in tourist hotspots. The exponential rise in orphanages and orphans are mainly attributed to human trafficking. Many abusive orphanages keep children malnourished and force them to lie about their past to garner more donation money that is almost always misappropriated. These orphanages are likened to child/slave labor camps, where orphans are forced to perform traditional songs or dances for volunteers, beg for money and care, and are used to bring in big bucks in donation dollars.

But I'm here as an adoptee to tell you the adoptee side of things. Specifically, I am a Chinese adoptee and only feel confident enough to make statements about Chinese orphanages as I am highly familiar with the subject. I can tell you that as an adult, I still struggle with feelings of abandonment and have insecure attachment issues and PTSD. It is also difficult to explain the psychological trauma of the repeated cycle of attaching to temporary volunteers and being abandoned again and again and again, because some adoptees are still in the fog and can't even see the issues in themselves. If they believe that adoption didn't affect them, then they are even more likely to perpetuate the cycle of trauma on another.

Common Motivations of Orphanage Volunteers

• Giving back, doing good, making a difference
• Praise or approval from family, community, religious community, adoption community
• Self-discovery, maybe something will "click" for the adoptee
• Affordable trip to China where you can have fun and explore
• Curiosity about living conditions or the orphanage operation or workers
• A Homecoming for adoptees and a desire of wanting to know if anyone remembers you or knows your family/identity
• Wanting to live vicariously through current orphans and feel like they will get the attention you wished you were given
• Resumee building for college admissions or other application

What people don't know: the language of where they are going, social work training, the culture of where they are, psychology training for handling traumatized individuals, medical training

Common Behaviors in Volunteering

• Taking photos with unconsenting orphans for private memories or for social media
• Forging close emotional bonds and friendships with orphans
• Treating kids as playthings, wanting to feed them and play dress up, or bounce them around
• Passing orphans around like toys from volunteer to volunteer
• Touching orphans whenever you want, even if they can't say no

What people don't know: When kids want you to pick them up or shout "sister! sister!" this is actually a symptom of separation trauma. It doesn't mean they want you. Your arrival and abrupt disappearance from their lives perpetuates a cycle of trauma that actually exacerbates this kind of attention-seeking behavior. It is far from cute when you're causing the problem.

Common Feelings of Volunteers After the Fact

• Disappointed in the trip, very anti-climatic
• Lost, feeling alone, questioning what good they actually achieved, failure
• Heartbroken, missing the children
• Depressed
• Eyes wide open, in shock
• Both fulfilled and ashamed: Adoptees are able to satisfy their curiosity about the orphanage/orphanage conditions and might have even learned something about themselves, yet they would not do it again because it was "emotionally taxing on them," more than they expected
• Felt like they learned/discovered something about their prior life in the orphanage
• Got to talk with orphanage workers who might have known them when they were in the orphanage
• Felt very “fortunate” or "inspired" or "grateful/lucky" to not be poor and no longer an orphan
• May become an anti-voluntourism activist

What people don't know: Most of this self-discovery and reconnection with orphanage workers can occur during a Heritage tour without putting orphans in harm's way. Most adoptees go in thinking of themselves and of how they can change the world and very little thought is put into what happens to the orphans when they leave. If the entire week of volunteering was emotionally taxing on the volunteer, especially the good-bye, then just imagine how emotionally taxing it is on the orphans who must go through this throughout the year. Non-stop, without any say on who can touch them or enter their lives.

Common Feelings of the Orphans Afterwards

• Abandoned again and again and again and again...
• Betrayed
• Alone
• Lost
• Depressed
• Missing the volunteer
• Heartbroken
• Not good enough

What people don't know: Abandonment and separation trauma are all too real. Orphans have dignity too and should not be used as your props for self-discovery. Orphans are important. Orphans have worth and value innate to their existence. Many orphans who grow up report that volunteers had a negative effect on them in the orphanage because many volunteers would get close to them hoping for that magical connection, would even promise to keep in contact or visit, and then would leave again to never return. Even orphans who were infants, like me, can feel the trauma in our bodies.

But what if you don't pay/donate any money in order to volunteer?

Even if you go on a volunteer project that doesn't require you to pay money to volunteer with orphans, you still shouldn't do it. Those orphans get attached to you, form a bond with you, and then you leave them forever, never to return. All the adoptees I have talked to who have volunteered with orphans before all say would never do it again because it was hard on them. Imagine how hard it is on the orphans who have no say in who they are exposed to. Who have no say in when you come or when you go. Who might finally feel safe with you and make a friend, only for you to abandon them again. These orphans need stability that only long-term caretakers can provide. And if you think, "but if I don't go, then how will they get the help they need?" just think about the other 51 weeks every year when you aren't there. The orphanage or institute is able to operate independently of your "help" the rest of the year. If they are a legitimate organization, they should not crumble without the aid of foreign volunteers.

What if you're an adoptee who wants to give back?

Adoptees are no more qualified to take care of orphans than anyone else. Unless you are a trained social worker, long-term caretaker, or doctor, you have no place volunteering with orphans. Many adoptees want that homecoming experience, hoping to find themselves through helping others. Don't use orphans as your props for self-discovery. There are ways to come to terms with who you are without sacrificing the emotional well-being of orphans: read a book, take a trip, go on a Heritage tour, watch a movie.

Orphans have dignity too. As a one-time orphan who still struggles with PTSD, trauma, hypervigilance, abandonment, and attachment disorders, I can only say that this is a crime. How can we hurt so many innocent lives, just to feel good about ourselves? Just to search for ourselves and claw, desperately for the crown of "the good adoptee." Because we're the kind who "gives back" and "pays it forward" as we step on the hearts of orphans.

In response to the overwhelming expectation that adoptees should complete the fantasy of "giving back" by volunteering at orphanages, many adoptees who understand abandonment trauma have become advocates to end voluntourism. I am among them. You too can help end the exploitation of orphans by spreading the word about defunct organizations, and educating others on why it is psychologically harmful to orphans to have a revolving door of volunteers. 

Please, please, please, for all that is good in this world, please reconsider your next humanitarian mission.

From,
A one-time orphan

For more information:
NPR article: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2020/01/13/779528039/why-theres-a-global-campaign-to-stop-volunteers-from-visiting-orphanages

One-time volunteer joins the fight to stop volunteering with orphans. Her reasons? Read on: https://epicureandculture.com/volunteering-at-an-orphanage-truth/

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