Dealing with Stereotypes as a Transracial Adoptee
"You're good at math." "You have a tiger mom."
"You play an instrument."
"All you do is study."
"You don't speak English."
"You must be good in bed."
"You never age."
"You must be a weeb."
"You must be a Koreaboo."
"You must be religious."
"I bet your parents wanted you to become a doctor or lawyer, huh?"
It's not right to stereotype anyone, but it is downright bizarre when people stereotype you when you're not culturally what you look like.
People see your outside, your skin color, and make assumptions.
I'm always caught in this dilemma of just saying, "I'm adopted" to end it fast, or asking them to explain just what exactly did they mean by that? In a pinch, the adopted explanation can work, especially if I'm at an awkward holiday party with strangers. It's not fair on the adoptee to have to make this choice though. It's the equivalent of throwing other Asian people under the bus, saying, "It's bad to stereotype me because I'm not actually what you think I am. But it's totally okay to do it to other people!"
Ideally, the person should understand that it is wrong to stereotype others, period. Yet, often I feel like they just get angry, "Oh, pardon me! How the fuck was I supposed to know you're not actually Asian?"
I think for us, it becomes exceedingly obvious when we are being stereotyped because their assumptions just don't match up, at all, with what we are. It makes it hard to ignore, like a glitch on a television screen.
No, I'm not an exchange student. No, I am American. No, my mom doesn't force me to study.
It's very tiring. In college, my professors stereotyped me all the time, often I was the only non-white person in the room, and this bothered me a lot my four years there. It wasn't that I didn't like white people (my parents are white, why would this be an issue?), it was that these white people never interacted with non-white people before. (In one class, they literally told a black person they would feel more comfortable among their own kind like they were some kind of Sasquatch. And the white students actually believed they were being empathetic to the cause of diversity: well, wouldn't it make them feel happier amongst their own species? That's the kind of twisted logic called "woke" I had to deal with in college.)
They just...assumed I was from Mars and tip-toed around me, like I was significantly different from them. One girl asked, "You don't follow celebrity drama, do you?" Actually, I do. Someone else called me "MingMing," because well, I guess he thought it made sense at the time. I was asked how to read Korean on two occasions, asked how to pronounce Chinese words on three occasions, and asked if suicide was shameful in Chinese culture on one occasion.
I was asked if I wanted to have more than one child now that there was a two-child policy on one occasion by a professor. That was just straight up weird. The class was on the topic of Hong Kong. My professor turned to me, tentative, trying to be "culturally sensitive" he asked..."Was...Was I...Was I from Hong Kong? Was that my homeland?"
Did I listen to Kpop? What were my opinions on bubble tea? Every inch of me, examined, like a strange new species.
Roll call was the worst because these nitwits with PhD's assumed I wasn't who I said I was. Yes, the most likely explanation for saying "I'm here" during attendance must be I don't know my name by the age of 21, NOT that this was indeed my name. One professor tried to exotic-fy my name, pronouncing it with a racist-leaning Chinese accent, you know, because he was "culturally aware and woke."
Another professor kept asking me if I had spelled my last name wrong, because apparently all Asian people have names like Zhou or Cheng. The idea that I was half-white (with a "white" last name) never crossed their minds.
It just brings to the forefront the giant chasm between people's perceptions of me and my own reality. I'm not the only one in this boat, and non-adoptees deal with this too, but it sucks. All the way around.
"You play an instrument."
"All you do is study."
"You don't speak English."
"You must be good in bed."
"You never age."
"You must be a weeb."
"You must be a Koreaboo."
"You must be religious."
"I bet your parents wanted you to become a doctor or lawyer, huh?"
It's not right to stereotype anyone, but it is downright bizarre when people stereotype you when you're not culturally what you look like.
People see your outside, your skin color, and make assumptions.
I'm always caught in this dilemma of just saying, "I'm adopted" to end it fast, or asking them to explain just what exactly did they mean by that? In a pinch, the adopted explanation can work, especially if I'm at an awkward holiday party with strangers. It's not fair on the adoptee to have to make this choice though. It's the equivalent of throwing other Asian people under the bus, saying, "It's bad to stereotype me because I'm not actually what you think I am. But it's totally okay to do it to other people!"
Ideally, the person should understand that it is wrong to stereotype others, period. Yet, often I feel like they just get angry, "Oh, pardon me! How the fuck was I supposed to know you're not actually Asian?"
I think for us, it becomes exceedingly obvious when we are being stereotyped because their assumptions just don't match up, at all, with what we are. It makes it hard to ignore, like a glitch on a television screen.
No, I'm not an exchange student. No, I am American. No, my mom doesn't force me to study.
It's very tiring. In college, my professors stereotyped me all the time, often I was the only non-white person in the room, and this bothered me a lot my four years there. It wasn't that I didn't like white people (my parents are white, why would this be an issue?), it was that these white people never interacted with non-white people before. (In one class, they literally told a black person they would feel more comfortable among their own kind like they were some kind of Sasquatch. And the white students actually believed they were being empathetic to the cause of diversity: well, wouldn't it make them feel happier amongst their own species? That's the kind of twisted logic called "woke" I had to deal with in college.)
They just...assumed I was from Mars and tip-toed around me, like I was significantly different from them. One girl asked, "You don't follow celebrity drama, do you?" Actually, I do. Someone else called me "MingMing," because well, I guess he thought it made sense at the time. I was asked how to read Korean on two occasions, asked how to pronounce Chinese words on three occasions, and asked if suicide was shameful in Chinese culture on one occasion.
I was asked if I wanted to have more than one child now that there was a two-child policy on one occasion by a professor. That was just straight up weird. The class was on the topic of Hong Kong. My professor turned to me, tentative, trying to be "culturally sensitive" he asked..."Was...Was I...Was I from Hong Kong? Was that my homeland?"
Did I listen to Kpop? What were my opinions on bubble tea? Every inch of me, examined, like a strange new species.
Roll call was the worst because these nitwits with PhD's assumed I wasn't who I said I was. Yes, the most likely explanation for saying "I'm here" during attendance must be I don't know my name by the age of 21, NOT that this was indeed my name. One professor tried to exotic-fy my name, pronouncing it with a racist-leaning Chinese accent, you know, because he was "culturally aware and woke."
Another professor kept asking me if I had spelled my last name wrong, because apparently all Asian people have names like Zhou or Cheng. The idea that I was half-white (with a "white" last name) never crossed their minds.
It just brings to the forefront the giant chasm between people's perceptions of me and my own reality. I'm not the only one in this boat, and non-adoptees deal with this too, but it sucks. All the way around.
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