"Blood doesn't make a family, love does." Actually, they aren't mutually exclusive.

"Blood doesn't make a family, love does." Actually, they aren't mutually exclusive.

By saying that love conquers blood, you are saying that the adoptive family is more important than the birthfamily. Adoptees who say that are usually trying to please their adoptive parents, solidifying themselves as the "good adoptee." Usually, though, it is total strangers or the non-adopted who say this extremely idiotic phrase.

Yes, it sounds good enough to stitch on a throw pillow, but what it really says it that the adoptee's feelings don't matter. The adoptive parents have decided that their family matters more. End of story.

Acutually, adoptees are allowed to love their birthfamily and their adoptive family. The two are not at odds with each other. They should not be pitted against one another. The adoptee has every right to love whoever they want and that includes both sets of families!

In my particular situation, my birthparents likely wanted me very, very, very much, but were outlawed from keeping me because of Mao's brainchild, the One Child Policy, that was enforced with human rights violations. Having strangers say that my birthmother just simply doesn't matter is adding insult to injury.

My family has never, ever, ever said this phrase to me because they understand that my birthmother and birthfamily are to be respected. It is also their way of showing me respect because my birthfamily is a part of me.

Adoptees shouldn't have to choose sides, but very often, society sees this as a black and white situation. I believe this stems from adoptive parents' insecurities about their claim on their own children, trying to find ways to put the birthfamily down or minimize their involvement in the child's life in order to feel better about themselves. The extreme of this, which I also have heard, is when adoptive parents will lie to their child and say "your birthmom didn't want you." Despite knowing about the One Child Policy, and about how free-will was swept aside by communist China, some adoptive parents were so insecure that they tried to poison their infant adoptee's mind against the other family.

Adoptees have rights. Adoptees are allowed to love whoever they want. Adoptees can be sad for their losses and happy for their adoption. They can miss their birthparents and love their adoptive parents. They can mourn for everything that could have been and still be able to enjoy their life now.

They can want to find their birthparents and find blood relatives because guess what, blood does matter, and still love their adoptive parents, who, by the way, are behind the adoptee every step of the way!

Adoptees have every right to feel everything, even if society would rather pretend adoptees can only love one family.