Dear America: I'm More Than My Race

Race is one of those things that I just want people to get right. It matters in all the ways it should matter and it doesn't matter in all the ways it shouldn't matter. In other words, there's a balance between wanting to belong and not wanting to be stereotyped--not exactly an unreasonable desire. I want my race to be celebrated, but not fixated on. It seems, in some ways, contradictory...but it really isn't. And it's not a terribly difficult concept to grasp...yet, here I am in America, where the Race Conversation never dies. Should it die? Should it never die?

This is why I have two seemingly contradictory articles here: "Dear America: I'm More Than My Race" and "Race and Belonging" which are what I personally consider to be low hanging fruit. By that I mean, they are relatable and reflect a composite image of a group with common experiences. The third article in this trio is purely an opinion piece: "The Hyperfocus on Race: Because We Can." This piece is my personal take on why race dominates the transracial adoption discussion, often to the total neglect of other equally if not more pressing traumas.

So...

DEAR AMERICA, I know you love a race story. I know you eat it up when someone "grapples with identity" or experiences racism, race, or race-related experiences. Dear America, I know you listen best and broadcast voices loudest just as long as we stick with the script: that race is a heavily important yet depressing subject in our lives. Is someone having a race-based crisis? Someone, quick, get them a camera and a microphone!

DEAR AMERICA, everyone grows throughout life. Life has a way of getting to everyone, leaving no one spared. Stop acting like "white" isn't valid, as if people who are Irish or Greek are one and the same. Stop telling me that if I don't have an emotional race-based crisis everyday, I must be the odd one. Everyday, articles and interviews revolve around race. Everyday, adoptees pump out stories of their self-identification crisis...as if this is our only state. As if this is universal. Where is the microphone for the dissenting opinion? I should be allowed to have a myriad of opinions. Why is it that only one is honored?

DEAR AMERICA, stop treating me like I'm a "minority" when I am literally the majority on this earth. Stop acting like I should have less power and act like it. Stop teaching people their skin is the only thing worth a damn. Stop with the stereotypes. Stop with the assumptions.

I am an individual. Stop viewing me through the context of "Asian" or "adoptee." I am a human being. Don't tell me that I should learn Mandarin. Don't act like I live in China Town. Stop treating me like I don't know English.

Race is the first thing people see when I am alone. Transracial adoption is the first thing people see when my family is together. You can't hide. America, butt out! Get your big old head out of my life!

DEAR ADOPTIVE PARENTS who only focus on race. Stop trying to shove race down our throats. Because we're Asian, you think we should only be allowed to read books about Asian people and only play with Asian dolls? "No child, the white doll isn't for you, here's a nice Asian doll to play with." Stop with this idiocy of "racial mentors." You think that everyone of a single race is the same and interchangeable? You think your child needs to be taught how to "properly" be "Asian" or "black"? Why do they have to fit your preconceived notions of racial stereotypes? Why can't you let your child be your child? Stop hiring racial mentors. Stop paying strangers to teach your child to be rightfully that race. Stop being stupid. Stop it. Stop insulting me.

DEAR ADOPTIVE PARENTS stop saying dumb things about race. When you see two Asian people standing together, stop saying "I felt like I was in China!" You're not in China. Stop acting like other people are unusual. When you take your child to an Asian restaurant, stop treating the workers like they should have a mystical and sacred connection to your adopted child. To the adoptive parents who cannot tell Asians apart, stop saying "My Chinese child finally belonged...in the Vietnamese restaurant!" Who are you to say where your child belongs? Who are you to say how they feel? Because you can pattern match, you think you've done your holy deed for the day? This is the opposite of racial diversity. This is ignorance and near-sightedness. Come, child! To your homeland! The China Express! P.F. Chang's! Oh! To Sushi Palace!

DEAR ADOPTIVE PARENTS who never focus on race. Stop acting like race doesn't matter at all! It does matter! It just doesn't matter in ways it shouldn't. Yes, we'll experience racism and hate. We'll experience tons of things you probably didn't anticipate. This doesn't mean our entire existence will be engulfed in hatred and that you should expect us to uphold the American ideal of racial limbo! It means you should acknowledge how race plays a role in our lives without forcing your half-assed ideas about what we should BE based on race down our little throats.

Look, I'm not saying I don't have these long discussions about race and America. That I don't get pissed when people ignore me because they assume I only speak Mandarin. That I've never had people be mean to me or tell me to my face that Chinese people eat dogs. The point of this post is to say that I am plain tired of the disproportionate screen time adoptee racial crises get in American news media. It creates an expectation in itself that we should all act the same way, feel the same way, experience the same things...only one side gets all the glory. Only one story gets shone. We have no lack of stories about "Grappling with my Asian American Identity" stories. Yes, they're all unique, I'm sure...BUT, I don't appreciate people assuming I also feel the same way or how every single adoptee meet-up needs to revolve around our "oppressed" status solely based on the color of our skin. Can't we change the channel? Can't we...take a break? Talk about other problems? I know international adoptees who match the races of their parents, or are also white...a hyperfocus on race in some ways undermines the experiences of those adoptees. Often, we share the same problems...but our problems get coated in race, even when it isn't strictly race-related but an adoptee-centric problem.

So what I'm saying is: DEAR AMERICA. I AM MORE THAN JUST MY RACE.